date: september 8th, 2025
i want to write a song but i don't think i have anything worth listening to.
school started and i think i'm doing spanish better than i was last year so far so that's good. i'm so scared of what's going to happen in winter but i know there's nothing to prevent it and i'm scared that if i can then it means it wasn't real enough and i've just been faking it the whole time.
i want art to be my coping mechanism so maybe i can make something beautiful but i'm so scared of being judged i just can't get myself to do it. i want to write a song but i don't know how to be honest anymore. or maybe i just don't feel enough? i don't know
i want attention and i want someone to look at me and think i'm interesting enough and i want to be able to express myself and i want people to be able to understand me like i can understand other people's art. other's art is the only way i can understand myself. it's the only thing i had for years to be able to escape the world and seeing myself reflected in characters and songs and art has been so helpful and comforting to me and i want to be able to make something that can help other people, too. i'm scared i won't be able to ever make anything worth listening to or reading or looking at.
i'm so fucking tired man.