date: april 15th, 2025
hii!!
coming back to this after a few months of not working on it (i think since thanksgiving break?) is weird. i've forgotten a lot of basic stuff like how to make things bold or italicize and add links but everything still makes sense to me once i read it
i know my skills in html and css are pretty basic (i mean look at how rough this blog is) but i still really enjoy doing what i can do ^-^
i've been thinking about trying python and making a visual novel/dating sim or something for a while now, but first i think i'd like to finish my blog. i think i'll probably put it up sometime this week?
the reason i started my blog was because i was kind of tired of social media in general, specifically algorithms that make it extremely difficult for me to do anything other than watch youtube and scroll. i want to try to do stuff but a) i'm pretty sure i have depression and b) it's a pain in the ass to do anything because i can't get off my fucking phone.
it's strange, i've lived nearly my entire life this way. i got my first ipad when i was five and i've been "chronically online" since 2020/2021. i've always been a pretty lonely person, no real life friends for most of my life, no siblings, homeschooled since kindergarten (wow that's a lot of personal information..) and so i've spent my whole life reading and writing and on the internet.
i think youtube became a replacement for social connection for me kind of? i'm extremely parasocial ig.. LMAO
as much as i'd like to escape this cycle, i don't think i will until i can drive, and even then that will still be difficult. it's hard to quit something you've been "addicted" to since you were pretty young. i mean, it's hard to quit anything but especially when your whole brain and identity is built around it.
and that's not to say that i think the internet is bad or that kids shouldn't be allowed on it. i think that it's been a net positive in my life, i've made friends and i've felt understood by it and i've found so much amazing art, but it's also caused me mental health issues and obviously it's made my executive dysfunction extremely bad lmao
another thing that bothers me about the internet is the pure corperatization of it (fuck i think i spelled that wrong). i was never around on pre-corperate internet, but it pisses me off that every part of my life is full of consumerism now. i hate the bland white walls of twitter and instagram and shit.
whoops this. really got distracted uhh...
anyways. hi. i'm lynn.. this is a blog..
i'll find a better way to end these soon i think..